By Elizabeth Girardy
It’s January! A time of new beginnings, commitments and goal setting. Do you often go back and review your goals from years past?
As I was going through my very disorganized google drive (organizing my files is a goal), I found a reflection I wrote for a class assignment in March of 2020. The prompt was to think about what a successful life would look like to me 10 years in the future. I recalled it was one of the last assignments I turned in before going home for spring break and not returning.
I hadn’t looked at that reflection since I turned it in, and as I opened it, I prepared to be disappointed by seeing I was off the mark. At the time that I wrote it, it was the most hopeful time of my life. I was looking forward to graduation and I felt optimistic about the future, unaware that my forward momentum was about to be stalled. When I opened the file, I expected to feel the weight of my lack of achievement.
Fortunately for my present self, I had used that prompt as an invitation to write about the kind of person I wanted to become, no achievements mentioned. Without having that vision of who I wanted to be in front of me the past few years, I’ve still moved towards it. However, as I reflect on how far I’ve gone, I can see that it was not all my doing.
I wrote about a few main desires. One was to have a disciplined spiritual life and to be involved in a church community. The thing is, the last few years my spiritual life has been characterized by searching, wrestling, and frequently moving backwards. Here’s an area where I can see God’s work in my life. Even when I was ready to walk away, God still kept me close. My walk with God now is better than it was, but I can’t take credit in working hard for that. I also have had the blessing of being part of church communities both at Saint Francis in the Fields here in Kentucky and at Church of the Messiah in New Jersey where I feel belonging. Both of these communities entered my life at just the right time and I feel grateful for them. That first marker of success is looking pretty good, but it wasn’t dependent on me.
Another desire I had was one I have been actively pursuing in the last few months of being in the Fellows program. I wanted to have work that was challenging and making a positive difference in people’s lives. My work at Family Scholar House helping people go back to school and get jobs that support them and their families has been both challenging and fulfilling for me. As I mentioned in my last blog post, the Fellows program wasn’t part of my plan either but was a last-minute calling.
To wrap this up, two things stood out to me in this experience: that initial fear that I was going to be disappointed in myself and, two, the realization that God has worked in my life even though it hasn’t gone to plan. Rather than being a discouraging experience, it was a kind of pep talk. I still know what is important to me and I’m taking actions to move forward. Perhaps something else in my life will blow up before I get to those ten years and success won’t look exactly how I had envisioned it. Even so, God will continue to work and I will continue to grow. I’d encourage anyone reading this to do some reflection early this year, not just about what you hope to achieve, but about what God has already done and promises he will do in your life.