For my blog, I would like to reflect on some recent experiences and our call as Christians within those experiences. There have been conversations around me that, over the past few months, have been increasingly painful and, excuse my language, pathetic. And, I must say, this is something that is not unique to where I am. In fact, I recognize that it exists less so where I am compared to many places or work environments. It is the negativity, complaining, and a slew of other synonymous words within conversations; making a simple and short human interaction into something “worthy” of making a headline in your town’s newspaper.
I will fabricate a situation similar to one that I overheard:
“Yeah, so this older man came up yesterday to pay his bill, and suddenly asked, ‘You got a book club? What book are y’all reading?'”
“What?”
“Yeah, I had it (in large print) on my (large) calendar above my desktop.”
“That’s so weird. Why would he even be looking at your desk? What an invasion of privacy.”
Or similarly (planning an event):
“I think we should scratch that activity.”
“Mmm, I remember last year there were some adults who wanted to do the craft, too. It was like, so awkward. Why would an adult want to do the craft, anyway?”
“That is pretty weird.”
I am not doing a great job, but I hope that, reading even those short, beginning-of-conversation statements, you may recognize the immediate, intense judgement these reactions exhibit, reactions inconsistent with reality. At any opportunity to make something negative, some people will gather. At any chance to complain about something so mundane, some people will do so, as if they would never do the very thing themselves. Are you not casually gazing curiously at the desk of a receptionist? Making small talk, maybe even saying something like “I like the artwork on your desk”? Heaven forbid someone has the audacity to look at your desk and even make a compliment- what a creep. There is no way a normal person won’t ask for a cute, promotional sticker for your organization at an event targeted towards kids.
Or, another one:
“It’s so stupid that these two middle schools have the same name, but one is spelled differently. Whose bright idea was that?” Followed by huffs and comments of affirmation.
Is it really that big of a deal? Why are you so quick to find anything to complain about or even care about so much?
Thankfully, I do have supervisors and others in my life who model ways to combat this. They might explicitly say this: “We try to give people the benefit of the doubt.” At these times, those originally making the bad comments will then be quick to buy into this grace and agree. But had this comment not been made, nothing would change. So, is the implied care even sincere? Well, I would hope so, but the first step is just trying to introduce that way of thinking to them- to give the benefit of the doubt.
I think that is a way that, as Christians, we can try to make a change. If this sort of argumentation is too daunting at first, then I would suggest not to partake in these conversations. Over time, this may be noticed; if at work, they may notice that all you seem to talk about at work is real work-related criticisms (intended for growth and improvement-not all criticism needs to be internalized as a negative), compliments, and, any talk unrelated to work is neutral or focused on the wellbeing of others (“How is your mom recovering from surgery?” “Yeah, I watched the game last night” (side note, this would mean not hating on a coach, ‘stupidity’ of a player’s move, etc.), “Did you notice the one kid who took three stickers instead of one? Haha, bless his heart. He must really like Pokémon.”).
This all reflects a couple of well-known verses to many:
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” James 1:19
“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” Philippians 4:8
To be bothered by the negativity is good, I think. But to then become a hypocrite by complaining about this and deciding not to do something about it is, well, hypocritical. So yes, notice it, call it out, and even say why it is frustrating. But make the moves to display Christ-likeness in your workplace or community- don’t participate; instead, redirect the conversation, pray for these people. And if you find yourself unable to stop yourself from participating, perhaps removing yourself and finding people who display such Christ-likeness is the best option.
May we all receive grace from God as we seek to be transformed more into his likeness!